Today's Quabble: Hair

Pronunciation: Hay-er
Descriptors: Frustrating as balls. End of story.

Definition: Those weird stingy bits that grow out of your scalp. And yours arms, and legs and... Nevermind.

--

I don't know what the hell this picture is of, but when I Google searched hair, this came up. and it terrified me. This is what Hell looks like.

For the past... I dunno, 6 or 7 years, I have been in a constant battle with me hair. I can never get it to look the way I want it. I've never been able to get a haircut that looks the way I told the hairdresser to make it look. In fact, maybe that's what this child is raging against. Look at that hair.

Except for once. Just once, my hair was perfect. Zoë dug up this picture from the bowels of her Inbox. It was marvelous. You could practically see the majesty radiating off of it.

Readers, you had better be appreciative of this. I must have spent a half hour making this HTML do what I wanted it to. It's still not perfect, but it'll do.

I've hidden the picture so your anticipation and curiosity may grow, and not have the surprise spoiled before I've psyched you up enough for it. Here it comes...


Are you ready for this?

Now, I know what you're thinking.

"Holy balls, Greg. I'm practically blinded by the majesty of that incredible doo."

And you know what? You're right. It is incredible

Later days.

Today's Quabble: Bands Changing Their Sound

What the balls is this?

Pronunciation: Baands hoo- Screw it.
Decriptors: Major balls. Usually.

Definition: When a band drasically changes the sound of their music between albums. You know what I mean.

---

Holy hell I haven't updated this in a while. I'm very sorry to all who do take the time to read this, especially you, Zoë.

Here's what's bugging me today. I am well aware that bands need to change and evolve over time, or else they stagnate. I'm all for trying new things. But how does it make you feel when a band you love changes so much that they strip out everything about them that you loved?

That's how I'm feeling right now about this new Against Me! album. The single, I Was A Teenage Anarchist, is indeed a catchy song. But where is the rough guitar work? The throaty, bloody sounding vocals? That gritty live sound? How do you go from We Laugh At Danger (And Break All The Rules) to this?

I don't want to say they sold out, because that isn't quite fair. But they have moved toward a much "pop"ier sound. And it saddens me. I liked Against Me! because they were different. They were something I hadn't heard before. With gaining that soft polished sound, they lost what I feel was an integral part of their sound. This is like Anti-Flag all over again.

This being said, there are a great deal of bands who change their sound and have it work out really well. While I may not have thought so at the time, the great departure that was Blink-182's last album truly is some great music. As lame a band as they may be, New Found Glory's switch from pop punk with nasally vocals to a softer, slower brand of music on Coming Home (not to mention Pundik learning how to sing) resulted in a solid album. And despite what some may say (you know who you are) I thought the jazzy feel to Atreyu's Lead Sails, Paper Anchor was really cool.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's entirely possible to change your sound without it turning into garbage, and I don't think Against Me! was successful.

Later days.

- - -

Take care of those you care about. Do whatever it is you can to make sure they're okay when they need it. Nothing is more important than those you love. Nothing.

That's something I've learned over the past year or so. And I'm damn glad I did.

Today's Quabble: Black Dynamite

Pronunciation: Blahk Dy-No-Mite... Dy-No-Mite, Dy-No-Mite!
Descriptors: There are no words suitable to describe this masterpiece of cinema.

---

I am sorry for my leave of absence. Life has been rather busy as of late.

However, I come back stronger than ever. Friends, I bring you what could possible be the greatest film ever produced. This is something that transcends art. This is the human soul in motion picture form.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Greg, this looks like a cheesy, stupid movie." And you know what I say to that?

Shut your dirty ****ing mouth this very instant.

You watch this trailer, and tell me this doesn't bring a tear to your eye.


(click on the video to bring up the YouTube page if the video is too small)

Now you see what I mean.

This creation touched me on levels I never thought I could be touched. The character development of Black Dynamite and friends, such as Cream Corn, was stunning. It was like I had known them all my life. The plot, the pacing, it was perfect. Black Dynamite's kung-fu skills are like watching a crane soar through the air.

While I could spend hours telling you every great line of this film, I must refrain. You must experience the greatness for yourself.

If I could only watch one movie for the rest of my life, it would be Black Dynamite. He's a 21st century hero, something we should all aspire to be. I wish I could tell you more. I really, really do.

Before I ruin more of this movie, I shall silence myself. But I will leave you with what might be the greatest piece of music accompanying the greatest film ever filmed.

Seriously, though. This movie is ****ing hilarious. Watch it.

Later Days.

Today's Quabble: Relationships

Pronunciation: Ree-lay-shun-ships
Decriptors: Far too many to even begin to name.

Definition: Sorry guys, can't help you here. The definition of a relationship is so broad, and differs between so many people that I'd never be satisfied with anything I said here.

---

Relationships are an odd thing. An intangible link between two people of varying strengths and degrees. Of course, there are all kinds of relationships, but I'm speaking of the love variety.

They can be terrifying. They can be frustrating. They can be abusive. They can be sad. They can be unexpected. They can be doomed to die.

But most importantly, they can be ****ing wonderful.

I know more than a few people, myself included, who have been brought to tears over relationship matters. And it makes you ask "Why? Why am I putting myself through this?" For some relationships, there is no good answer, and that's when they end. For others, the answer is simple. Love.

I always sort of figured I would end up alone. I never saw myself finding anyone I was truly compatible with. Then I met Zoë. And while we've been through more **** over the past couple years than any two people deserve to go through, I don't regret a second of it. That girl makes me happier than anything else on this rock we call Earth.

I can't imagine possibly being closer to another human being. Being with her is like being with myself. I'm not embarrassed by anything around her. She's seen me at my worst, and I hers. Snuggling up beside her at night brings a comfort so profound, I could have never imagined it. And her laugh is the most wonderful sound I could ever imagine.

To all those skeptical about relationships and love, I say you just haven't met the right person yet. At the risk of sounding preachy, you don't know happiness until you wake up at 4 AM and have the one lying beside you roll over, whisper the love you, and snuggle up to you to go back to sleep.

I wouldn't be half the person I am today without Zoë. Being with her has helped me grow into a person I'm proud of being, a person I would not have been able to become had she not been there to support me all these years. A person who has no problem taking 6 hours to show up at 3:30 in the morning to see the girl I love when she needs me, and being happy to do it just to see her.

Nothing worth having comes easy. It's true with relationships, too. They're not always easy, but if you have the right person, they are most definitely worth having.

Zoë, you are the love of my life.

Later Days.

P.S. Saps FTW.

*Picture is of the gorgeous Zoë Doyle, taken by yours truly*

Today's Quabble: The Three Sip Philosophy

Pronunciation: The Thr-- Forget it.
Descriptors: Possibly the greatest discovery since that thing they discovered last week with the thing and the stuff.

Definition: A scientific theory proposed by Zoë Doyle. The idea that, unless in a sitaution of dire thirstiness, three sips of any drink will be enough to satisfy you
--
Some background information: Whenever Zoë and I go out to restaurants, and would order any sort of drink, by the end of the meal my drink would be gone, and Zoë's would have only a little bit gone. About three sips worth, funny enough.

Zoë is an extreme case of the three sip philosophy. For her, three sips and she's had enough to drink for the entire meal. For most of us, it's about three sips at a time. Next time you take a drink, count. You'll probably be surprised.

Much like the drink being pictured, after a couple sips, I really didn't want it anymore. I don't even like Ginger Ale that much! I know this! Yet I poured myself a glass of it anyways. Three si[ philosophy, yo.

That being said, the three sip philosophy applies to more than just drinks. Have you ever bought a bunch of candy, thinking "Oh hell yes I'm gonna down these things up like they're crack pills and I'm Amy Winehouse." only to have a few, and then not want them anymore? Three sip philosophy.

Feeling reeeeeeeally hungry? Passing by a McDonald's, or a Subway, and you stop in and buy the most amount of food you possibly can with whatever money you happen to have on you? Thinking to yourself "Holy damn, I am gonna gobble this **** up faster than Lindsay Lohan gobbles up ****s.", only to start feeling full a quarter way through your food? Three sip philosophy.

Feeling some urges down below, only to hire a hooker, get her back to your room, jump on top, and instantly regret your decision? You guessed it. Three sip philosophy.

I definitely overeat due to this ***** of a concept. Here's a typical snacktime for Greg. I have written it from an inner perspective, so keep in mind none... Or, very little of this is said out loud.

Holy damn I am hungry. Oh ****, I'm gonna make like 16 pizza pops. Okay, not 16. 4 should be enough. Why do they come in these stupid packages of three? ****, microwaves take an assload of time to cook anything. Finally done! Oh god, this pizza pocket is so good. It's like someone took the best day of my life and put it in my mouth. Oh god, I have three left. I am so damn excited. The second one is just as good as the first, holy ****. Man, my stomach feels so much better now... Aw ****. I have two more to eat. Piss is a handbag.

And there you have it. I hope to god I'm not the only one this happens to, or I'm going to feel like an idiot after this.

Moral of the story: Make one ****ing pizza pop.

Two at most.

Later days.

Today's Quabble: The 'Deeeeeee'

Pronunciation: Deeeeeeee
Descriptors: Deeeeeeee

Definition: What started as a joke, and has now become a sound meaning happiness, affection, and comfort.

--

(Just to clarify, this picture has absolutely nothing to do with this post, other than the fact that I typed "deeeeeeeeee" into Google Images, and this is what popped up.)

Now that I have you all thoroughly confused, here's the lowdown. Okay, I don't actually remember how it happened. Here's how I think it happened:

Greg: Hey, you're cute or some other flattering compliment. Zoë: Deeeeeeeee.

After this, I laughed profusely, as it is quite a funny sounding... sound.

Here's what it sounds like, for all those who can't picture it. Performed by yours truly.



Listen to that a few times. Hilarious, right? I know.

(Sorry for the garbage quality. My headset broke a few days back, so I'm having to get by on the built in mic.)

I feel as though "The Deeeee" should be adopted worldwide as a universal sign of friendship, happiness, and love. It could lead to a happier world, a connection never before shared between people, and a unified humanity.

Okay, maybe I'm being a little too optimistic here. Maybe. But it would still he hilarious to see more people saying it.

Think about it. Next time someone gives you a snuggle, let a little "deeeee" slip out. I guarantee you will like it.

Later Days.